Posted by Roz Lee in Erotic Romance, Romance on 08-04-2013
I collect cookbooks. I buy new ones, old ones, specialty ones and just about any one that catches my fancy. My daughter recently ran across one published by a Mennonite congregation in Mississippi so she bought me a copy. I like to think all the books in my collection are useful, therefore I won’t be purchasing Semenology – The Semen Bartenders Handbook.
And yes, this is a real book available for purchase ($22.95) from Amazon.
I also will not be purchasing Natural Harvest – A collection of semen-based recipes. ($24.95)
Call me crazy, but adding semen—even from a known source—to my food or drink doesn’t appeal.
The author of both books, Paul “Fotie” Photenhauer, did his best to convince me via the book descriptions, claiming that semen is nutritious with amazing texture and cooking properties. He cites the fluid’s delicate flavor as a reason to add it to cocktails, then he goes on to point out that fresh semen is available in most bars and kitchens.
I’ve heard stories about wait-staff spitting on food before delivering it to the table and Mr. Photenhauer’s comment will have me double-checking every condiment served to me for the rest of my life. And I’m not letting that cocktail glass out of my sight either!
Though completely grossed out and turned off by the very thought of using semen in food meant for consumption, being the curious type that I am, I decided to use the sneak preview option available to me. You know. Just in case I was mistaken.
I’m not a fan of eggnog to begin with, but add semen to it and there isn’t enough money in the world to get me to drink it. And let’s just say I may never eat an éclair again.
Lest you think I’m sexist here…there are several websites—though no cookbooks that I could find—devoted to using human breast milk as a cooking ingredient. This website has everything from cupcakes and corn chowder to soap. And I seem to recall a while back someone was selling cheese made with human breast milk.
I have to draw the line somewhere.
Have you used any of these unique ingredients? Come on. Tell us. We’re dying to know!
As squeamish as I am about this subject, it hasn’t stopped me from using something similar in one of my books. If you haven’t been aboard the Lothario, my erotic themed cruise ship, then let me take you there for a moment. Here’s an excerpt from THE LUST BOAT, the first of five books in the Lothario series, where Ryan and Candace visit Pan’s Lounge.
She’d never seen anything like it in her life, a sentiment she’d become intimate with since she set foot on the Lothario. The waiters in Pan’s Lounge wore gigantic phallic codpieces, some held upright with a strap around their neck. Other than the codpieces of varying designs, the men were naked. Ryan guided her to a cozy alcove with a good view of the bar. They ordered drinks from a waiter whose wooden phallus reached his shoulders. When the waiter left, Candace asked in a low voice, “Doesn’t that hurt?”
“They say it doesn’t. It helps to be at least semi-erect inside it and with all the beautiful women coming in to see them, that it’s not too hard, pardon the pun, to do. They like it when you stroke them.”
“I couldn’t do that.” She curled her fists in her lap.
“Try it when he brings our drinks.”
“Are you sure he won’t mind?”
Ryan pointed to another booth where three women were stroking their waiter’s phallus. “Trust me. He will expect it. He’ll probably lean in so close you could lick him.”
The waiter returned with their drinks in tall penis-shaped glasses, with a large opening at the tip to sip the drink through. He leaned in close to Candace. His giant phallus bobbed near her nose. Ryan nudged her and she closed her hand around the cold wood.
“Yes,” the waiter breathed out, flexing his hips in a suggestive manner. “That feels good.” Candace blushed scarlet and dropped her hand.
“Thanks Pan,” Ryan said. “You can go now.”
“Pan was known in Mythology to masturbate often. He’s depicted in ancient art with a larger-than-life penis. In the evening, this place is crawling with men masturbating for anyone who wants to watch. These alcoves fill up with women and the waiters will masturbate, or allow the passengers to give them a hand job.”
Candace sipped her drink. “So this is tame.”
“In comparison, yes. Do you want to come back this evening and see for yourself?”
“Sure. I don’t think I’d want to give anyone a hand job, but I think I’d like to watch for a while.” She took another sip of her drink. “Do they, you know, come?”
“Some do, especially the passengers. The waiters have better control, but occasionally they do too. The last night of the cruise they have a semen tasting here.”
“I’m afraid to ask…”
“The samples come from men who have been thoroughly tested. Women line up to taste them.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“I think I’ll pass on that entertainment.” Candace dropped her hand to Ryan’s thigh and slid it up and under his wrap. She closed her hand around his still hard shaft. Ryan sucked in a breath and pressed a hand on top of hers. “No fair.”
“Will you masturbate for me?”
“No one can see.”
“Sweet heavens, you’re going to be the death of me.” Ryan protested, but slipped his hand beneath the wrap and replaced her hand with his. “Just a little. I don’t want to come here.” He stroked his aching cock a few times. “Put your hand over mine.”
Read more here.
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